Yesterday marked the 25th anniversary of celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as a national U.S. holiday. As we think about Dr. King’s dream that one day, our nation – and perhaps the world – would be united as one people who loved each other equally regardless of race, nationality, religion or any other division upon which we discriminate today. He hoped all children would play together, all people could work together and that we would each treat each other with the respect and dignity that we not only deserve, but that we want from others.
How are we doing, Dr. King? With the recent tragedy in Arizona, discrimination against same-sex marriage, and countless other tragedies of prejudice, we are far from realizing the dream.
It's the simple Golden Rule, right? Treat others as we want to be treated??!!?
Perhaps, though, this is the issue... Perhaps we shouldn’t treat others as we want to be treated, but instead we should treat others as they want to be treated. Known as “The Platinum Rule”, it makes a heck of a lot more sense to me.
Yes, we all equals, but we are not all the same. Rather, it is our differences which make us unique and beautiful. Perhaps you most value kindness, while your neighbor most values courage. This is what Positive Psychology is all about - leveraging our strengths to live a better life. Perhaps your daughter is gifted in sports, while your son is a talented artist. What a beautiful world it would be if we honored each person’s individual strengths, and appealed to each other’s values!
As Gary Chapman quips in his theory, “Love Languages”, the issue with most marriages is that we love our partners as we most feel love, not as they do. In other words, we speak to them in Chinese when they only understand Russian. With a simple tool, we can learn our partner’s primary “love language” and love them in a way they can hear it.
What if we could understand our neighbors, our co-workers, our adversaries in this way? What if we learned to speak their language so that we better understood them and they better heard us? We each have different backgrounds, values, dreams and desires. To fulfill Dr. King’s dream, I propose that we get to know each others’ strengths, that we learn to speak each others’ languages and treat each other as he or she most wants to be treated.
Have a meaningful week.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Year - Shit Happens
My toilet overflowed on New Years Day. Really overflowed – toilet water gushing out in rapids toward the hallway and living room as I raced around the bathroom and house to find every possible towel to sop up the mess. My first thought: “Oh no - It’s a sign!” I began dreading the crappy year ahead…
Fortunately, my years of Cognitive Therapy and current studies in Positive Psychology kicked in and grabbed hold of my mind. “Get a Grip, Carin.” My brain insisted - and that’s when I realized that this wasn’t a sign of a shitty year ahead – it’s a REMINDER that shit happens. Literally.
Here we are in the first week of 2011, our hearts open and our minds hopeful about all that the New Year will bring. We make dramatic resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, be nicer, be our very best! THIS year will be glorious – nothing can get in my way! And then the toilet overflows (or we eat a piece of cake, skip a workout, judge a coworker) and we derail. We give up on our resolutions by mid-January and return to regular life – only now, we are defeated and we still have 350 days ahead!
So here is my resolution for the New Year – not to make sweeping, dramatic resolutions. Rather, I’m going to be the best me that I can be, remembering that shit is going to happen. Obstacles will get in the way, I’ll likely slip and fall miserably on my face a couple of times… But I can get back up. I can dust myself off – and begin again. By remembering that shit will happen, we shift our thinking and our expectations. We can laugh at the obstacle, and we can be kinder and gentler with ourselves should we get off track.
Therefore, my advice for the New Year is to just be. Show up, embrace life and enjoy the flow, but please, do it with a sense of humor and the knowledge that shit is going to happen. As Epictetus, the Greek philosopher said, "Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead, want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well.”
Enjoy 2011, my friends.
Fortunately, my years of Cognitive Therapy and current studies in Positive Psychology kicked in and grabbed hold of my mind. “Get a Grip, Carin.” My brain insisted - and that’s when I realized that this wasn’t a sign of a shitty year ahead – it’s a REMINDER that shit happens. Literally.
Here we are in the first week of 2011, our hearts open and our minds hopeful about all that the New Year will bring. We make dramatic resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, be nicer, be our very best! THIS year will be glorious – nothing can get in my way! And then the toilet overflows (or we eat a piece of cake, skip a workout, judge a coworker) and we derail. We give up on our resolutions by mid-January and return to regular life – only now, we are defeated and we still have 350 days ahead!
So here is my resolution for the New Year – not to make sweeping, dramatic resolutions. Rather, I’m going to be the best me that I can be, remembering that shit is going to happen. Obstacles will get in the way, I’ll likely slip and fall miserably on my face a couple of times… But I can get back up. I can dust myself off – and begin again. By remembering that shit will happen, we shift our thinking and our expectations. We can laugh at the obstacle, and we can be kinder and gentler with ourselves should we get off track.
Therefore, my advice for the New Year is to just be. Show up, embrace life and enjoy the flow, but please, do it with a sense of humor and the knowledge that shit is going to happen. As Epictetus, the Greek philosopher said, "Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead, want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well.”
Enjoy 2011, my friends.
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