If you read my blog or know me in any way, you know that I am all about strength-based growth. I believe that we each have unique traits and talents that enable us to do great things.
In Positive Psychology, the scientific study of human flourishing, we call these traits “Signature Strengths”. These are the character strengths that we exhibit most often. In fact, according to Marty Seligman, “father” of Positive Psychology, we are happiest when using our signature strengths in all of our relationships – love, work and community.
One of my Signature Strengths is Courage. I have always thought that to be brave is to be exceptional.
But what about bravery in excess? This week, I decided to drive a 16-foot moving truck into New York City. MYSELF. I thought it would be fun. As I tried switching lanes, turning onto narrow streets and avoiding poles in Philly, I realized that I wasn’t being brave – I was being foolish.
I needed help. For some reason, asking for help seemed like a weakness. I thought that the Courageous, the Strong, the Successful do it all on their own. This too was foolish.
When I asked for and accepted help, the move went smoothly. My mover sent me truck-friendly directions into the City, my friend Stephanie helped me pack, my friend Geraldine’s family moved me out of my Philly apartment, my friend Allison watched Henry, and my friend Mac drove with me into New York, telling me when I could switch lanes, staying with the truck while I signed the lease, and keeping me laughing through challenging moments (like when a woman honked to tell us that the hatch was up)!. The move could not have happened without these incredibly generous, kind friends.
This experience taught me that the wisest know when they need help and they ask for it. All strengths in excess are weaknesses. Aristotle said strengths "in reason" - today, we would call this "in moderation". We must know our strengths – AND our limitations. We must ask for help along the way. We must remember that we need others. Remembering that gave me a smooth move into the next phase of my life.
Thank you to all who helped ease the way!
ps - If you want to know your Signature Strengths, visit www.authentichappiness.com
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Value of Our "Stuff"
Deciding to move into a small New York studio apartment at 36 years old is a strange decision. After years of accumulating nice stuff – handcrafted furniture, stainless steel cookware and the car of my dreams, none of it will fit into my life anymore.
Downsizing is supposed to be Liberating! Healthy!… I've found it a bit scary and sad. As a very nice family came to pick up my beautiful chocolate brown microfiber couch, I wouldn’t let it go. Tears welled as I remembered the long nights of laughing with friends on that couch and the endless hours of grad school application writing done on that couch. That couch loved me through some of the best - and supported me through some of the worst events of my life – when I was robbed at gunpoint, when a dear friend drowned, through my grandparents' passing, several breakups and heartaches when I needed that couch’s soft embrace.
Who will hold me now?
See our stuff is more than stuff. Once in our lives, each item becomes intertwined with our memories. Our stuff is part of our story.
As I looked at that family, I considered the new memories the couch would bring them. Christmas mornings, late night movies, hours of napping on Sundays. My heart lifted, I couldn't help but smile, and my hands let the couch go. It had taken good care of me, but now it is someone else’s turn. And that makes me happier than holding onto the couch ever could.
Besides, now my hands are free to embrace whatever opportunity comes next for me. My stuff could have held me back, weighed me down. Here's to letting go of that which we no longer need.
Downsizing is supposed to be Liberating! Healthy!… I've found it a bit scary and sad. As a very nice family came to pick up my beautiful chocolate brown microfiber couch, I wouldn’t let it go. Tears welled as I remembered the long nights of laughing with friends on that couch and the endless hours of grad school application writing done on that couch. That couch loved me through some of the best - and supported me through some of the worst events of my life – when I was robbed at gunpoint, when a dear friend drowned, through my grandparents' passing, several breakups and heartaches when I needed that couch’s soft embrace.
Who will hold me now?
See our stuff is more than stuff. Once in our lives, each item becomes intertwined with our memories. Our stuff is part of our story.
As I looked at that family, I considered the new memories the couch would bring them. Christmas mornings, late night movies, hours of napping on Sundays. My heart lifted, I couldn't help but smile, and my hands let the couch go. It had taken good care of me, but now it is someone else’s turn. And that makes me happier than holding onto the couch ever could.
Besides, now my hands are free to embrace whatever opportunity comes next for me. My stuff could have held me back, weighed me down. Here's to letting go of that which we no longer need.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Moving to NYC
Good news – and tough on the heart-strings too… I’m moving to New York!
On the one hand, I want to scream from the rooftops that I am about to fulfill a lifetime dream!! … And on the other, I feel like I’m cheating on my City - Cleveland. They say that home is where the heart is. If that’s true, then Cleveland is my HOME. The tree-lined streets are woven into my soul, the Westside Market my playground, and Clevelanders are my family.
You can imagine, then, how difficult it is to say that I'm moving to New York. But the truth is, I never intended for Cleveland to become home. When I moved there in 2003,it was to be a short stop on the way to NYC… But I fell in love with Cleveland – with its people, its food, its culture, its amenities. It was just too good to ever leave.
And then a year ago, I decided to pursue a lifetime dream of getting my Masters Degree, teaching, and starting my own motivational consulting, coaching and speaking business, CLeaR. I went to the University of Pennsylvania last year to get my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology with full intention on returning this month to Cleveland to bring my learning back home.
Ready to return home, the “father” of Positive Psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman, asked me to be one of his assistant instructors this fall – a huge honor for which I’m immensely grateful. I knew that this was the universe telling me to pursue that New York dream.
I'll be honest - I'm scared! And I'm sad to prolong my trip home... and yet, I know that this is something that I must do. I went into Positive Psychology to inspire people to fulfill their dreams. I now have to do the same. I tell my clients that to know if we really need something, we must look ahead to our 80-year-old selves and ask that person, “If I DON’T do this, will I regret it forever?” When the answer is “yes”, move forward. No matter how scary or how sad you are to close a chapter, you must move forward. We must feel it all and move ahead! And so I am :)
Fortunately, I'll still be working a lot in Cleveland. With SOMO Leadership Labs, we're teaching positive psychology to enhance Clevelanders' lives, with my consulting work, I'm speaking to groups like the GAR Foundation's EIG (educator initiative) and with my coaching work, I'm helping Clevelanders pursue their dreams. And this really helps me live MY dream because I can live and work in all the places I love.
My intention in New York is to soak it all in and live it all fully. To experience every small street, each cozy coffee shop, each grungy subway station and to meet the city’s gritty and eclectic people. And then I plan to share all of these experiences - all of the fear, excitement and lessons with people around the world.
Here's to LIVING our dreams!
On the one hand, I want to scream from the rooftops that I am about to fulfill a lifetime dream!! … And on the other, I feel like I’m cheating on my City - Cleveland. They say that home is where the heart is. If that’s true, then Cleveland is my HOME. The tree-lined streets are woven into my soul, the Westside Market my playground, and Clevelanders are my family.
You can imagine, then, how difficult it is to say that I'm moving to New York. But the truth is, I never intended for Cleveland to become home. When I moved there in 2003,it was to be a short stop on the way to NYC… But I fell in love with Cleveland – with its people, its food, its culture, its amenities. It was just too good to ever leave.
And then a year ago, I decided to pursue a lifetime dream of getting my Masters Degree, teaching, and starting my own motivational consulting, coaching and speaking business, CLeaR. I went to the University of Pennsylvania last year to get my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology with full intention on returning this month to Cleveland to bring my learning back home.
Ready to return home, the “father” of Positive Psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman, asked me to be one of his assistant instructors this fall – a huge honor for which I’m immensely grateful. I knew that this was the universe telling me to pursue that New York dream.
I'll be honest - I'm scared! And I'm sad to prolong my trip home... and yet, I know that this is something that I must do. I went into Positive Psychology to inspire people to fulfill their dreams. I now have to do the same. I tell my clients that to know if we really need something, we must look ahead to our 80-year-old selves and ask that person, “If I DON’T do this, will I regret it forever?” When the answer is “yes”, move forward. No matter how scary or how sad you are to close a chapter, you must move forward. We must feel it all and move ahead! And so I am :)
Fortunately, I'll still be working a lot in Cleveland. With SOMO Leadership Labs, we're teaching positive psychology to enhance Clevelanders' lives, with my consulting work, I'm speaking to groups like the GAR Foundation's EIG (educator initiative) and with my coaching work, I'm helping Clevelanders pursue their dreams. And this really helps me live MY dream because I can live and work in all the places I love.
My intention in New York is to soak it all in and live it all fully. To experience every small street, each cozy coffee shop, each grungy subway station and to meet the city’s gritty and eclectic people. And then I plan to share all of these experiences - all of the fear, excitement and lessons with people around the world.
Here's to LIVING our dreams!
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