As I finish my 3rd box of matzah this week, I cannot help but reflect on Passover and Easter. Last Monday, 10 non-Jewish friends from all over the world (Scotland, Germany, Australia and the States) were in my home for a traditional Passover Seder. We laughed and shared as we told the story of Moses leading the Jews from slavery to freedom.
But what about slavery today? With human trafficking in Africa, children sold for slavery in India and slave workers in Pakistan, people all over the world are still tragically held hostage.
This horrifies us and yet, many of us are enslaved too. While we are blessed to be free in the United States, many of us hold ourselves hostage to harsh, negative thinking patterns that cause ourselves and others harm. Perhaps we are distant with love, hanging on to an old defense mechanism that served us well as kids. If you are like me, you think you're not good enough, "they" are not good enough or that others should think exactly like we do. In "The Resilience Factor" , Reivich & Shatte describe these thoughts as "iceberg beliefs" - thoughts that are so deep-rooted that we aren't conscious of them. Those that when hit, take our ship - our confidence, relationships, esteem - down.
I am learning, though, that we have a choice about these damaging beliefs. We can set them free. And thereby, set ourselves free.
Yesterday, I attended Catholic mass with friends for Easter (hey - they came to Passover Seder, right?) There, I understood the meaning of Easter for perhaps the first time. Easter is a celebration of rebirth. In this spirit, we can all begin anew. We can let old beliefs die. We can let go of old patterns that no longer serve us. We can choose to make room for new healthy beliefs, new loving thought patterns.
Together, these holidays tell a powerful story. We have been enslaved, but we can choose to be free.
Happy holidays to all.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Chicago Tribune Reports How I Used Gratitude to Change My Attitude
Happiness, meet science
By Nara Schoenberg
April 12, 2011
Not that we don't believe Glamour magazine and celebrity testimonials. But just to be sure, we asked top researchers which mood-boosting techniques work best.
Carin Rockind had a condo, a boat, a great job in corporate marketing and dozens of friends and business contacts, all based in Cleveland.
So when she decided to switch careers and enroll as a full-time psychology student at the University of Pennsylvania, she was, understandably, a little nervous.
"What am I doing?" she would ask herself as moving day approached "This is crazy. Who will I know? How am I going to eat?"
She had whipped herself up into near-panic when she decided to try one small thing. Every night before she went to bed, she wrote down at least three good things that had happened that day: a touching good-bye, perhaps, or an encouraging comment from her mom or a nice walk with her dog. Within days she was feeling more grateful, appreciative and calm. By the end of the month, she was brimming with excitement about the future.
Check out our crossword, sudoku and Jumble puzzles >>
"It completely, 100 percent changed my attitude," says Rockind, 36.
Read on: http://bit.ly/hRXnS7
By Nara Schoenberg
April 12, 2011
Not that we don't believe Glamour magazine and celebrity testimonials. But just to be sure, we asked top researchers which mood-boosting techniques work best.
Carin Rockind had a condo, a boat, a great job in corporate marketing and dozens of friends and business contacts, all based in Cleveland.
So when she decided to switch careers and enroll as a full-time psychology student at the University of Pennsylvania, she was, understandably, a little nervous.
"What am I doing?" she would ask herself as moving day approached "This is crazy. Who will I know? How am I going to eat?"
She had whipped herself up into near-panic when she decided to try one small thing. Every night before she went to bed, she wrote down at least three good things that had happened that day: a touching good-bye, perhaps, or an encouraging comment from her mom or a nice walk with her dog. Within days she was feeling more grateful, appreciative and calm. By the end of the month, she was brimming with excitement about the future.
Check out our crossword, sudoku and Jumble puzzles >>
"It completely, 100 percent changed my attitude," says Rockind, 36.
Read on: http://bit.ly/hRXnS7
Friday, April 8, 2011
Call me PollyAnna! (But Know What That Means...)
So we've all heard the term "She's such a PollyAnna" - meaning, she unrealistically looks at life through rose-colored glasses. For those who have said or thought this - have you seen the movie or read the book?
I had the privilege of watching the movie last weekend and never again will I hear the term "PollyAnna-ish" the same. In fact, never again will I tolerate it as a short-hand way of saying excessive-unchecked-naive-optimism. It seems to me that PollyAnna was the first Positive Psychologist. She clearly saw the challenges of life - she wasn't oblivious to the sadness of losing her parents, the injustice of the chaotic orphanage, the harshness of the priest's sermon. She saw those things clearly, felt them and still CHOSE to find the good. This is positive psychology.
Positive Psychology was founded on the grounds of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The basic premise of Seligman's (1991) "Learned Optimism" is that we can learn to think differently about life's adversities. We can choose to see events as personal, pervasive and permanent... or we can choose to see them as not personal, isolated and temporary. What I love about PollyAnna is that she takes this a step further. She also chooses to see the positive. To operationalize Seligman's model, we can learn the The Resilience Factor by Reivitch & Shatte (2007) to identify our Beliefs and Consequences related to the event. For example, a friend passes us on the street without saying hello and we may have the "Belief" that she is mad at us and "Consequently" feel sad or angry. In the book, they teach us to question such "thinking trap" and find evidence that they may be (in)accurate. Back to our example - we could ask our friend if she saw us and we may find out that she was on the phone, or had just heard bad news and therefore wasn't paying attention and didn't see us. I've used this technique several times have found it to beautifully neutralize a situation. In other words, it takes us from a -6 to a 0. What PollyAnna adds is how to go from the 0 to a +3. She looks for the POSITIVE in a given situation. Back to our example again, she may say, well, this gives me an opportunity to call my friend later and see what's going on.
In the book/movie, her approach not only endears people to PollyAnna, but it helps them thrive. One character, Mrs. Snow comes alive again after a life of attention-seeking hypochondriac behavior. In fact, the whole town thrives. By instilling hope and optimism in individuals, they began to see that they could band together and accomplish their community goals! Christakis & Fowler (2007) found that happiness is contagious. People are happier when around happy people. Fredrickson (2009) teaches us that positive emotions broaden our mind and build our resources such that they help create trust and build relationships (among other things).
PollyAnna (or the writer/director/producer) knew these concepts before the field of Positive Psychology was born. What the field offers is the scientific base and evidence. Positive Psychology breaks down these concepts to find the drivers and mediators, the activators and nuances. And through understanding this science, I can now follow my calling - to help others develop realistic optimism that empowers them to build resilience, increase positivity, find meaning and enhance relationships such that they achieve their dreams.... and ultimately FLOURISH. Call me POLLYANNA!
I had the privilege of watching the movie last weekend and never again will I hear the term "PollyAnna-ish" the same. In fact, never again will I tolerate it as a short-hand way of saying excessive-unchecked-naive-optimism. It seems to me that PollyAnna was the first Positive Psychologist. She clearly saw the challenges of life - she wasn't oblivious to the sadness of losing her parents, the injustice of the chaotic orphanage, the harshness of the priest's sermon. She saw those things clearly, felt them and still CHOSE to find the good. This is positive psychology.
Positive Psychology was founded on the grounds of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The basic premise of Seligman's (1991) "Learned Optimism" is that we can learn to think differently about life's adversities. We can choose to see events as personal, pervasive and permanent... or we can choose to see them as not personal, isolated and temporary. What I love about PollyAnna is that she takes this a step further. She also chooses to see the positive. To operationalize Seligman's model, we can learn the The Resilience Factor by Reivitch & Shatte (2007) to identify our Beliefs and Consequences related to the event. For example, a friend passes us on the street without saying hello and we may have the "Belief" that she is mad at us and "Consequently" feel sad or angry. In the book, they teach us to question such "thinking trap" and find evidence that they may be (in)accurate. Back to our example - we could ask our friend if she saw us and we may find out that she was on the phone, or had just heard bad news and therefore wasn't paying attention and didn't see us. I've used this technique several times have found it to beautifully neutralize a situation. In other words, it takes us from a -6 to a 0. What PollyAnna adds is how to go from the 0 to a +3. She looks for the POSITIVE in a given situation. Back to our example again, she may say, well, this gives me an opportunity to call my friend later and see what's going on.
In the book/movie, her approach not only endears people to PollyAnna, but it helps them thrive. One character, Mrs. Snow comes alive again after a life of attention-seeking hypochondriac behavior. In fact, the whole town thrives. By instilling hope and optimism in individuals, they began to see that they could band together and accomplish their community goals! Christakis & Fowler (2007) found that happiness is contagious. People are happier when around happy people. Fredrickson (2009) teaches us that positive emotions broaden our mind and build our resources such that they help create trust and build relationships (among other things).
PollyAnna (or the writer/director/producer) knew these concepts before the field of Positive Psychology was born. What the field offers is the scientific base and evidence. Positive Psychology breaks down these concepts to find the drivers and mediators, the activators and nuances. And through understanding this science, I can now follow my calling - to help others develop realistic optimism that empowers them to build resilience, increase positivity, find meaning and enhance relationships such that they achieve their dreams.... and ultimately FLOURISH. Call me POLLYANNA!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)