A Random Act of Kindness

Yesterday, while unsuccessfully attempting to lug my new wooden desk out of a cab and into my apartment building, a knight in shining armor came to my rescue. Okay, he wasn't a knight and he didn't have armor, but he did rescue me from myself. This very nice man was walking by with his daughter, noticed my struggle and asked if I wanted help carrying the desk to my apartment. Did I ever! I don't know what I was thinking foolishly believing that I could schlepp this thing up 4 flights of stairs!

I have never met this stranger and I will likely never see him again. Regardless, I am in deep gratitude to and for him. Dr. Martin Seligman, the "father" of positive psychology says that the fastest way to improve our well-being is to do something nice for someone else. As he says, acts of kindness not only make the recipient feel good... they make us feel good too! And because feeling good is contagious, this one act of kindness can ignite dozens more.

And if just one act of kindness generates wellness, imagine what multiple acts in 1 day can do! According to acclaimed researchers Lyubomirsky, Sheldon and Schkade (2005), 5 acts of kindness in 1 day quadruples our happiness! Who needs an energy drink with this kind of boost?

What research tells us, this man confirmed. Doing something nice for someone else matters to everyone's well-being. Certainly, his kindness mattered to me. Wherever you are, my helpful "Knight", thank you. I'll be sure to pay it forward.

Meaningful Work is the Key to Happy Workers

According to research from the Harvard Business School, doing meaningful work and making progress in it make people the happiest on the job.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/10/13/5-steps-to-achieving-happiness-at-work/#ixzz1alFrnXhw

Happiness at Work is Possible

According to Gallup, about half of all people aren't engaged and happy at work. Can we take charge of our work and find happiness on the job? According to Positive Psychology, Business and Law expert, Dan Bowling, Happiness at work is possible w/intentional behavior: knowing our strengths, being optimistic, having a sense of humor. Click here for more.

10 Tips to Boost Your Career by Career 360

Tips to Boost Your Career:

http://thedegree360.onlinedegrees.com/features/10-ways-to-spend-labor-day-improving-in-your-career.html

Goodbye "HAPPYCR" (My MINI Finds the RIGHT New Owner)

I recently wrote about the need to pare down my life in order to fit into my 300 square foot New York apartment. This has meant selling couches, giving away clothing, and today, selling my car.

As a Detroiter, you can imagine the fear of going “car-less”. Who are we without wheels? This sale is particularly painful because I LOVE my car. A bright red MINI convertible proudly boasting “HAPPYCR”, she is the car of my dreams.

She is also the car of Leslie’s dreams. A 45-year old mother of three, Leslie gave up her marketing career and dreams of a MINI 14 years ago to become a stay-at-home mom with a sensible SUV. In all that time, though, her yearning for a MINI convertible never faded. It grew.

That’s the thing with our dreams. They never go away. If we don’t try to fulfill them, they just nag at us, louder and louder until we can’t help but listen. And we must listen. Our dreams tell us something very important about our soul’s needs. Does Leslie “need” the car? No. But perhaps she needs to feel young and free, to feel sexy and/or be in control of her own life instead of just everyone else’s. Regardless of the underlying need, it is real – and today, she fulfills that dream when she adopts the HAPPYCR as her own.

I thought I’d be crying on the day when I sold my MINI. I thought I’d be hanging on to her, refusing to give her up. But knowing that she will be in Leslie’s good hands makes me want to let her go. I want Leslie to have this car. For in doing so, I help her fulfill her dreams. And as you know, fulfilling dreams is what I most dream of in life.

Here’s to fulfilling our dreams!

Strengths in Overdrive = Foolish

If you read my blog or know me in any way, you know that I am all about strength-based growth. I believe that we each have unique traits and talents that enable us to do great things.

In Positive Psychology, the scientific study of human flourishing, we call these traits “Signature Strengths”. These are the character strengths that we exhibit most often. In fact, according to Marty Seligman, “father” of Positive Psychology, we are happiest when using our signature strengths in all of our relationships – love, work and community.

One of my Signature Strengths is Courage. I have always thought that to be brave is to be exceptional.

But what about bravery in excess? This week, I decided to drive a 16-foot moving truck into New York City. MYSELF. I thought it would be fun. As I tried switching lanes, turning onto narrow streets and avoiding poles in Philly, I realized that I wasn’t being brave – I was being foolish.

I needed help. For some reason, asking for help seemed like a weakness. I thought that the Courageous, the Strong, the Successful do it all on their own. This too was foolish.

When I asked for and accepted help, the move went smoothly. My mover sent me truck-friendly directions into the City, my friend Stephanie helped me pack, my friend Geraldine’s family moved me out of my Philly apartment, my friend Allison watched Henry, and my friend Mac drove with me into New York, telling me when I could switch lanes, staying with the truck while I signed the lease, and keeping me laughing through challenging moments (like when a woman honked to tell us that the hatch was up)!. The move could not have happened without these incredibly generous, kind friends.

This experience taught me that the wisest know when they need help and they ask for it. All strengths in excess are weaknesses. Aristotle said strengths "in reason" - today, we would call this "in moderation". We must know our strengths – AND our limitations. We must ask for help along the way. We must remember that we need others. Remembering that gave me a smooth move into the next phase of my life.

Thank you to all who helped ease the way!

ps - If you want to know your Signature Strengths, visit www.authentichappiness.com

The Value of Our "Stuff"

Deciding to move into a small New York studio apartment at 36 years old is a strange decision. After years of accumulating nice stuff – handcrafted furniture, stainless steel cookware and the car of my dreams, none of it will fit into my life anymore.

Downsizing is supposed to be Liberating! Healthy!… I've found it a bit scary and sad. As a very nice family came to pick up my beautiful chocolate brown microfiber couch, I wouldn’t let it go. Tears welled as I remembered the long nights of laughing with friends on that couch and the endless hours of grad school application writing done on that couch. That couch loved me through some of the best - and supported me through some of the worst events of my life – when I was robbed at gunpoint, when a dear friend drowned, through my grandparents' passing, several breakups and heartaches when I needed that couch’s soft embrace.

Who will hold me now?

See our stuff is more than stuff. Once in our lives, each item becomes intertwined with our memories. Our stuff is part of our story.

As I looked at that family, I considered the new memories the couch would bring them. Christmas mornings, late night movies, hours of napping on Sundays. My heart lifted, I couldn't help but smile, and my hands let the couch go. It had taken good care of me, but now it is someone else’s turn. And that makes me happier than holding onto the couch ever could.

Besides, now my hands are free to embrace whatever opportunity comes next for me. My stuff could have held me back, weighed me down. Here's to letting go of that which we no longer need.

Moving to NYC

Good news – and tough on the heart-strings too… I’m moving to New York!

On the one hand, I want to scream from the rooftops that I am about to fulfill a lifetime dream!! … And on the other, I feel like I’m cheating on my City - Cleveland. They say that home is where the heart is. If that’s true, then Cleveland is my HOME. The tree-lined streets are woven into my soul, the Westside Market my playground, and Clevelanders are my family.

You can imagine, then, how difficult it is to say that I'm moving to New York. But the truth is, I never intended for Cleveland to become home. When I moved there in 2003,it was to be a short stop on the way to NYC… But I fell in love with Cleveland – with its people, its food, its culture, its amenities. It was just too good to ever leave.

And then a year ago, I decided to pursue a lifetime dream of getting my Masters Degree, teaching, and starting my own motivational consulting, coaching and speaking business, CLeaR. I went to the University of Pennsylvania last year to get my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology with full intention on returning this month to Cleveland to bring my learning back home.

Ready to return home, the “father” of Positive Psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman, asked me to be one of his assistant instructors this fall – a huge honor for which I’m immensely grateful. I knew that this was the universe telling me to pursue that New York dream.

I'll be honest - I'm scared! And I'm sad to prolong my trip home... and yet, I know that this is something that I must do. I went into Positive Psychology to inspire people to fulfill their dreams. I now have to do the same. I tell my clients that to know if we really need something, we must look ahead to our 80-year-old selves and ask that person, “If I DON’T do this, will I regret it forever?” When the answer is “yes”, move forward. No matter how scary or how sad you are to close a chapter, you must move forward. We must feel it all and move ahead! And so I am :)

Fortunately, I'll still be working a lot in Cleveland. With SOMO Leadership Labs, we're teaching positive psychology to enhance Clevelanders' lives, with my consulting work, I'm speaking to groups like the GAR Foundation's EIG (educator initiative) and with my coaching work, I'm helping Clevelanders pursue their dreams. And this really helps me live MY dream because I can live and work in all the places I love.

My intention in New York is to soak it all in and live it all fully. To experience every small street, each cozy coffee shop, each grungy subway station and to meet the city’s gritty and eclectic people. And then I plan to share all of these experiences - all of the fear, excitement and lessons with people around the world.

Here's to LIVING our dreams!

The (Sad) Truth

The truth is - sometimes I get really sad. Downright depressed even. On the verge of tears, I start crying for some unknown reason. I've always hated this part of me. Wanted to deny it - I mean who the heck wants to work with a positive psychology consultant who gets down and depressed?

Hopefully, you do. Because the truth is, that sadness is real. At this moment, it is my true, authentic self. And denying these feelings wouldn't be healthy. Rather, allowing myself to feel them, being kind with myself for having them, and taking care of myself through them is the only healthy way to live. Denial just keeps them bottled up inside and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

Well there's nothing wrong with me. And there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, we just feel crappy. And that's okay. It's healthy actually. We're not supposed to feel positive emotions ALL the time - in fact, researchers have found that flourishing people experience one negative emotion for every three positive emotions. So we need some sadness, we need grief, we need some anger sometimes. Negative emotions narrow our thinking and alert our bodies to take action. That action may simply be to rest, to contact family, to run a hot bath or to engage in our favorite activity.

Negative emotions are only bad when we dwell on them too much. When we drown in our sorrows. When we allow them to rule us into deep depression. Rather, having a negative emotion every once in awhile is okay. When we use them as a sign and we allow ourselves to feel them, and then we take care of ourselves through them, that is when they can serve us well.

So that's the (sad) truth. I think I'll nap and allow a friend to come nurture me now :)

Treating ourselves as well as our cars...

Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of speaking to a chapter of the National Automotive Fleet Association. It got me thinking about how well we take care of our cars - we give them oil changes, ensure the coolant is full to prevent overheating, and take them in for routine maintenance.Do we treat ourselves this well?

We need to. When we don't change the oil in our cars, it becomes a thick, sludgy mess. The same is true of our minds, hearts and souls. If we just keep trying to fill our tanks with more "stuff" without stepping back, clearing out and resetting, we too become depleted and emotionally toxic.

Here are some lessons we can learn from car maintenance:

1. PURPOSE: We take care of our cars because they fulfill a PURPOSE - take us to work, shuffle kids back and forth to soccer, cart goods and furniture from Costco. Do we have the same sense of purpose about our own lives? If we know why we wake up every day, what we want in life and where we are headed, we are more likely to take care of ourselves. If someone tries to zap our energy or derail our plans, our purpose keeps us on track. Our purpose allows us to let things go because we know they aren't important. Remembering our purpose is like an oil change - it realigns us, helps us clear out the gunk and helps us stay CLEAR about what matters. (ps - if you need help finding your purpose, contact me at carin@carinrockind.com!)

2. KEEP COOLANT (POSITIVITY) FULL: The boss gives us a new project at 4:59 on a Friday...someone took the last cup of coffee without making more... our neighbor left trash out for the squirrels to make a mess - again... ARRGGHH. Life is full of daily frustrations that boil our blood. Stress causes our bodies to fill with toxic levels of cortisol that can lead to disease. A full tank of coolant keeps our cars from overheating. A full tank of positivity can do the same. When we have more positive in life, it helps us better deal with the negative. But the negative is more powerful, so we need to load up on the positive. Take time to tell the people you love that you appreciate them. Take time to play with kids or puppies. Find 5 minutes to relax in the sunshine. Filling our tanks with gratitude, love, joy, and serenity keeps us from overheating. (For a warm laugh, watch this wedding video)

3. CHOOSING POSITIVE THINKING: Negative thinking impacts our entire body. Pessimism can take as many years off our life as smoking! So when the boss gives us that late assignment, or our neighbor stinks up the neighborhood, what do we think? Do we blame, overgeneralize, and mind-read? When our work is rejected, or we are let go, do we personalize, feel ashamed and go into a downwards spiral, thinking we'll never be good enough? These harmful negative thinking traps are damaging. But we have a choice. We can choose to see setbacks as permanent, pervasive and personal (and get overheated like a RED light) - OR - we can choose to see a challenge as temporary, one-time and not personal (GREEN LIGHT). Studies show that seeing a setback as a challenge instead of a threat leads to greater success. We must see a challenge as temporary, remind ourselves of our strengths, skills and passion and reset to our purpose so that we KEEP GOING!

A few key lessons from taking care of our cars to better help us take care of ourselves!
Carin

A New Mantra: THIS IS MY LIFE!

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. As far as we know, your only life. Make it as good as possible. If you have a dream, pursue it. If you love something, do it. If you love someone, tell them. If you don't love your life, change it. If you don't love your job, figure out one that you will love and develop a plan to make it your reality. If you don't love your relationships, enhance them. Show people you love gratitude, tell them how much you love them and give them your precious time. You won't regret it. You'll only regret NOT doing it. Not loving. Not living. Not pursuing your dreams. So begin today with a new mantra, "THIS IS MY LIFE!" YES!

Achieving Happiness: Practice positive patterns in your relationships • Lifestyle (www.HometownAnnapolis.com - The Capital)

Achieving Happiness: Practice positive patterns in your relationships • Lifestyle (www.HometownAnnapolis.com - The Capital)

Memorial Day Salute: Here's to Our Soldiers' Mental and Emotional Fitness

I love the pool and a BBQ as much as the next person, but on Memorial Day it’s appropriate to pause and appreciate those who have given their lives in service of our nation. This Memorial Day, I am thinking of my dear friend, neighbor and former dog-walker, Marsalis, a sweet, naïve 18 year old boy who is in basic training as we speak. What will he see when sent off to duty? How will he feel losing friends in battle? Will I ever see him again?

As I consider the pains and triumphs that Marsalis may experience, I am grateful that our soldiers are now being trained in “Mental Toughness” (aka: Positive Psychology). Called “Master Resilience Training” (MRT), my University of Pennsylvania professors, Dr. Marty Seligman and Dr. Karen Reivich, along with dozens of their colleagues, designed the course in 2009 and are now rolling it out to all 1.1 million American soldiers. Think about it – soldiers endure rigorous physical training – why not mental and emotional training too?

MRT trains soldiers in emotional, social, family, and spiritual wellness. MRT teaches resilience tools to overcome the harsh mental realities soldiers face. Consider this - when the Army approached Penn in 2008, suicide, depression, divorce and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) rates were at an all time high. Something had to be done to help soldiers maintain mental toughness in war, cope with wounds and lost friends, and learn how to re-integrate with their loved ones once returning home. Fortunately, the training is seeing positive results, though it is early and research is in progress.

Positive psychology trains us to live to our fullest potential through all circumstances. You and I may not be at war, but we face challenges every day that require us to be mentally and emotionally fit.

So on this Memorial Day, I’m thinking of Marsalis. I’m thinking of those who have given their lives. And I’m thinking of those who are GIVING their lives in service of our nation. I pray that they maintain their mental and emotional fitness, that they receive the love of their families and our nation, and that they experience health and growth through their dutiful service.

“Happy” Memorial Day Everyone!

How to get happy NOW? Be NICE!

A few months ago, I heard Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology say, "if you want to immediately increase your happiness, go outside right now and help someone else." These words stuck and have proven accurate. Giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly woman last week felt great. Spending 5 minutes to talk (really talk) to Nick, my mailman, felt awesome - especially as he described how often he encounters negative people.

A recent study at York University found that being nice to others in small doses increases our happiness and self-esteem up to six months later. Why? According to NYT best-selling author and TED prize-winner, Karen Armstrong, compassion is at the heart of all major faiths. And regardless of our faith or beliefs (or lack thereof), doing for others as we wish to be done to us is a core value that many of us carry. Therefore, when we practice it, we feel human. We feel good about ourselves.

Lyubomirsky suggests how to implement this into our lives. The premier researcher of kindness and happiness, she finds that varying our acts of kindness will keep the concept fresh and that dedicating one day a week to random acts of kindness will increase sustainability of our practice.

So, let's pick a day. Whether it be Monday to cure the "Monday Blues" or a weekend day when you're out and about, if you want to increase your happiness immediately, do some random acts of kindness!

Freedom - Reflections from Passover and Easter

As I finish my 3rd box of matzah this week, I cannot help but reflect on Passover and Easter. Last Monday, 10 non-Jewish friends from all over the world (Scotland, Germany, Australia and the States) were in my home for a traditional Passover Seder. We laughed and shared as we told the story of Moses leading the Jews from slavery to freedom.

But what about slavery today? With human trafficking in Africa, children sold for slavery in India and slave workers in Pakistan, people all over the world are still tragically held hostage.

This horrifies us and yet, many of us are enslaved too. While we are blessed to be free in the United States, many of us hold ourselves hostage to harsh, negative thinking patterns that cause ourselves and others harm. Perhaps we are distant with love, hanging on to an old defense mechanism that served us well as kids. If you are like me, you think you're not good enough, "they" are not good enough or that others should think exactly like we do. In "The Resilience Factor" , Reivich & Shatte describe these thoughts as "iceberg beliefs" - thoughts that are so deep-rooted that we aren't conscious of them. Those that when hit, take our ship - our confidence, relationships, esteem - down.

I am learning, though, that we have a choice about these damaging beliefs. We can set them free. And thereby, set ourselves free.

Yesterday, I attended Catholic mass with friends for Easter (hey - they came to Passover Seder, right?) There, I understood the meaning of Easter for perhaps the first time. Easter is a celebration of rebirth. In this spirit, we can all begin anew. We can let old beliefs die. We can let go of old patterns that no longer serve us. We can choose to make room for new healthy beliefs, new loving thought patterns.

Together, these holidays tell a powerful story. We have been enslaved, but we can choose to be free.

Happy holidays to all.

Chicago Tribune Reports How I Used Gratitude to Change My Attitude

Happiness, meet science
By Nara Schoenberg
April 12, 2011

Not that we don't believe Glamour magazine and celebrity testimonials. But just to be sure, we asked top researchers which mood-boosting techniques work best.

Carin Rockind had a condo, a boat, a great job in corporate marketing and dozens of friends and business contacts, all based in Cleveland.

So when she decided to switch careers and enroll as a full-time psychology student at the University of Pennsylvania, she was, understandably, a little nervous.

"What am I doing?" she would ask herself as moving day approached "This is crazy. Who will I know? How am I going to eat?"

She had whipped herself up into near-panic when she decided to try one small thing. Every night before she went to bed, she wrote down at least three good things that had happened that day: a touching good-bye, perhaps, or an encouraging comment from her mom or a nice walk with her dog. Within days she was feeling more grateful, appreciative and calm. By the end of the month, she was brimming with excitement about the future.

Check out our crossword, sudoku and Jumble puzzles >>

"It completely, 100 percent changed my attitude," says Rockind, 36.

Read on: http://bit.ly/hRXnS7

Call me PollyAnna! (But Know What That Means...)

So we've all heard the term "She's such a PollyAnna" - meaning, she unrealistically looks at life through rose-colored glasses. For those who have said or thought this - have you seen the movie or read the book?

I had the privilege of watching the movie last weekend and never again will I hear the term "PollyAnna-ish" the same. In fact, never again will I tolerate it as a short-hand way of saying excessive-unchecked-naive-optimism. It seems to me that PollyAnna was the first Positive Psychologist. She clearly saw the challenges of life - she wasn't oblivious to the sadness of losing her parents, the injustice of the chaotic orphanage, the harshness of the priest's sermon. She saw those things clearly, felt them and still CHOSE to find the good. This is positive psychology.

Positive Psychology was founded on the grounds of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The basic premise of Seligman's (1991) "Learned Optimism" is that we can learn to think differently about life's adversities. We can choose to see events as personal, pervasive and permanent... or we can choose to see them as not personal, isolated and temporary. What I love about PollyAnna is that she takes this a step further. She also chooses to see the positive. To operationalize Seligman's model, we can learn the The Resilience Factor by Reivitch & Shatte (2007) to identify our Beliefs and Consequences related to the event. For example, a friend passes us on the street without saying hello and we may have the "Belief" that she is mad at us and "Consequently" feel sad or angry. In the book, they teach us to question such "thinking trap" and find evidence that they may be (in)accurate. Back to our example - we could ask our friend if she saw us and we may find out that she was on the phone, or had just heard bad news and therefore wasn't paying attention and didn't see us. I've used this technique several times have found it to beautifully neutralize a situation. In other words, it takes us from a -6 to a 0. What PollyAnna adds is how to go from the 0 to a +3. She looks for the POSITIVE in a given situation. Back to our example again, she may say, well, this gives me an opportunity to call my friend later and see what's going on.

In the book/movie, her approach not only endears people to PollyAnna, but it helps them thrive. One character, Mrs. Snow comes alive again after a life of attention-seeking hypochondriac behavior. In fact, the whole town thrives. By instilling hope and optimism in individuals, they began to see that they could band together and accomplish their community goals! Christakis & Fowler (2007) found that happiness is contagious. People are happier when around happy people. Fredrickson (2009) teaches us that positive emotions broaden our mind and build our resources such that they help create trust and build relationships (among other things).

PollyAnna (or the writer/director/producer) knew these concepts before the field of Positive Psychology was born. What the field offers is the scientific base and evidence. Positive Psychology breaks down these concepts to find the drivers and mediators, the activators and nuances. And through understanding this science, I can now follow my calling - to help others develop realistic optimism that empowers them to build resilience, increase positivity, find meaning and enhance relationships such that they achieve their dreams.... and ultimately FLOURISH. Call me POLLYANNA!

Get a taste of Positive Psychology - Free Wine & Cheese Mini-Seminar April 15

Wine, Cheese & the KEYS to a FLOURISHING life! Mini-seminar for fabulous Cleveland women. April 15, 5 - 7 pm. Join us!

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I Have a Dream: To Treat You as YOU Wish to Be Treated

Yesterday marked the 25th anniversary of celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as a national U.S. holiday. As we think about Dr. King’s dream that one day, our nation – and perhaps the world – would be united as one people who loved each other equally regardless of race, nationality, religion or any other division upon which we discriminate today. He hoped all children would play together, all people could work together and that we would each treat each other with the respect and dignity that we not only deserve, but that we want from others.

How are we doing, Dr. King? With the recent tragedy in Arizona, discrimination against same-sex marriage, and countless other tragedies of prejudice, we are far from realizing the dream.

It's the simple Golden Rule, right? Treat others as we want to be treated??!!?

Perhaps, though, this is the issue... Perhaps we shouldn’t treat others as we want to be treated, but instead we should treat others as they want to be treated. Known as “The Platinum Rule”, it makes a heck of a lot more sense to me.

Yes, we all equals, but we are not all the same. Rather, it is our differences which make us unique and beautiful. Perhaps you most value kindness, while your neighbor most values courage. This is what Positive Psychology is all about - leveraging our strengths to live a better life. Perhaps your daughter is gifted in sports, while your son is a talented artist. What a beautiful world it would be if we honored each person’s individual strengths, and appealed to each other’s values!

As Gary Chapman quips in his theory, “Love Languages”, the issue with most marriages is that we love our partners as we most feel love, not as they do. In other words, we speak to them in Chinese when they only understand Russian. With a simple tool, we can learn our partner’s primary “love language” and love them in a way they can hear it.

What if we could understand our neighbors, our co-workers, our adversaries in this way? What if we learned to speak their language so that we better understood them and they better heard us? We each have different backgrounds, values, dreams and desires. To fulfill Dr. King’s dream, I propose that we get to know each others’ strengths, that we learn to speak each others’ languages and treat each other as he or she most wants to be treated.

Have a meaningful week.

New Year - Shit Happens

My toilet overflowed on New Years Day. Really overflowed – toilet water gushing out in rapids toward the hallway and living room as I raced around the bathroom and house to find every possible towel to sop up the mess. My first thought: “Oh no - It’s a sign!” I began dreading the crappy year ahead…

Fortunately, my years of Cognitive Therapy and current studies in Positive Psychology kicked in and grabbed hold of my mind. “Get a Grip, Carin.” My brain insisted - and that’s when I realized that this wasn’t a sign of a shitty year ahead – it’s a REMINDER that shit happens. Literally.

Here we are in the first week of 2011, our hearts open and our minds hopeful about all that the New Year will bring. We make dramatic resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, be nicer, be our very best! THIS year will be glorious – nothing can get in my way! And then the toilet overflows (or we eat a piece of cake, skip a workout, judge a coworker) and we derail. We give up on our resolutions by mid-January and return to regular life – only now, we are defeated and we still have 350 days ahead!

So here is my resolution for the New Year – not to make sweeping, dramatic resolutions. Rather, I’m going to be the best me that I can be, remembering that shit is going to happen. Obstacles will get in the way, I’ll likely slip and fall miserably on my face a couple of times… But I can get back up. I can dust myself off – and begin again. By remembering that shit will happen, we shift our thinking and our expectations. We can laugh at the obstacle, and we can be kinder and gentler with ourselves should we get off track.

Therefore, my advice for the New Year is to just be. Show up, embrace life and enjoy the flow, but please, do it with a sense of humor and the knowledge that shit is going to happen. As Epictetus, the Greek philosopher said, "Do not seek to have events happen as you want them to, but instead, want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well.”

Enjoy 2011, my friends.