My Eggs Are Dying

My last blog entry about the fears of turning 35 generated a lot of comments. I was corrected several times that we do not need to get colonoscopies until we are 50, and I was warned that many insurance companies won't do a mammogram until 40. So this leaves me with one remaining fear of the aging body: giving birth to children. While we all know that Sarah Jessica Parker and Courtney Cox Arquette and countless other 40+ celebrities have successfully conceived - and given birth - to healthy newborns, as my garage attendant, Ed, said, "The only reason you don't want to be 35 is because you're running out of time to have children." (Thank you Dr. Ed.)

When I turned 30, my father sat me down to tell me that the clock was ticking. Didn't I know that my mother had early menopause? Didn't I realize that my eggs were dying? Well, I had never thought of my eggs per se, but YES, I do realize that time is running out and believe me, it scares the shit out of me.

But what am I going to do? Stop taking my pills and scream "surprise honey!" as I show my boyfriend the positive pregnancy test? Or maybe I should just dump him altogether and take out a want ad: Nice Jewish Girl looking for Nice Jewish Boy Ready to Marry and Procreate Immediately. Or maybe I can do the ultra-mod and find myself a sperm donor to become a single parent. Believe me - I've thought about it, and may seriously consider doing it one day.

But not yet. Because here's the other thing about being 35 and single: most of us don't want to be. That's right. Despite what they said on "Sex and the City", and despite how fabulous life is with the boat and the MINI and the European travel whenever the hell I damned-well-please, at the end of a long work day, we really want companionship. We want an open hug to greet us, a sturdy shoulder to lean on, and strong arms that wrap around us while we sleep. So though our clocks are ticking, our hearts long for more -or at least different - than a baby can provide.

This raises an interesting question about whether we would choose childless partnership over partnerless parenting, but I won't delve into that now. For now, I'll just say that I want both, and regardless of how it all comes into my life - via eggs or test tubes, or mail-order men, I'll sign off with faith that it will.

Rock on,
Carin