I began my divorce exactly 9 years ago today. It was St. Patricks's Day and I have always hated St. Patrick's Day. That year, I found myself (once again) at a bar full of loud, drunk, ugly people all pretending to be Irish. Most of them, though, were Jewish or Italian or just plain-ol' American like the Bud they were drinking.
I was sick - no sick is not a proper description - I was deathly ill with snot dripping out of my nose, a hacking cough ripping through my lungs and a burning fever steaming from my pores. But there I was, playing the Good Wife (aka Martyr), out at a bar in Boston with my drunk husband and our friends. (Did I mention that we traveled EVERY year for this Irish Holy Day??) By 6 pm, I was desperate to go home. I didn't ask my husband to leave with me, and he didn't offer, and so I went home alone. Again.
Exhausted from 6 months of fighting and 3 years of disappointment, I did the unthinkable - I called the airlines and flew home... alone. As I stepped onto that plane, I began what has been a 9 year journey of divorce, renewal, shame, fear, hope, freedom, exploration, healing and wonder. In that time, I have traveled the globe, jumped out of a plane and off cliffs, fallen in and out of love, run a marathon, climbed the corporate ladder and engaged in philanthropy. And yet, I have continued to LOATHE this Green Day. It's like I can't forgive it for breaking my heart.
That is - I couldn't forgive it - until this year. As the sun rose above the lilac blue skies this morning, I actually found myself a bit excited about the day. Running at lunch, I was giddy as I wove through the sea of green clothing, delighting in the groups of drunk friends laughing and dancing outside the packed pubs. People were having fun! And so was I - I realized. And I signed in relief. A 9 year grudge held against a holiday, against a husband, lifted at last. I'm not sure what brought about this shift - if it was prompted and sudden, or if it has been in the works for some time. In November, a psychic told me that I was entering the next 9 year cycle. And so it is.
Happy St. Patricks Day everyone. A happy one for me.
Awesome.
ReplyDelete