Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Happiness at Work is Possible
According to Gallup, about half of all people aren't engaged and happy at work. Can we take charge of our work and find happiness on the job? According to Positive Psychology, Business and Law expert, Dan Bowling, Happiness at work is possible w/intentional behavior: knowing our strengths, being optimistic, having a sense of humor. Click here for more.
Friday, September 9, 2011
10 Tips to Boost Your Career by Career 360
Tips to Boost Your Career:
http://thedegree360.onlinedegrees.com/features/10-ways-to-spend-labor-day-improving-in-your-career.html
http://thedegree360.onlinedegrees.com/features/10-ways-to-spend-labor-day-improving-in-your-career.html
Friday, September 2, 2011
Goodbye "HAPPYCR" (My MINI Finds the RIGHT New Owner)
I recently wrote about the need to pare down my life in order to fit into my 300 square foot New York apartment. This has meant selling couches, giving away clothing, and today, selling my car.
As a Detroiter, you can imagine the fear of going “car-less”. Who are we without wheels? This sale is particularly painful because I LOVE my car. A bright red MINI convertible proudly boasting “HAPPYCR”, she is the car of my dreams.
She is also the car of Leslie’s dreams. A 45-year old mother of three, Leslie gave up her marketing career and dreams of a MINI 14 years ago to become a stay-at-home mom with a sensible SUV. In all that time, though, her yearning for a MINI convertible never faded. It grew.
That’s the thing with our dreams. They never go away. If we don’t try to fulfill them, they just nag at us, louder and louder until we can’t help but listen. And we must listen. Our dreams tell us something very important about our soul’s needs. Does Leslie “need” the car? No. But perhaps she needs to feel young and free, to feel sexy and/or be in control of her own life instead of just everyone else’s. Regardless of the underlying need, it is real – and today, she fulfills that dream when she adopts the HAPPYCR as her own.
I thought I’d be crying on the day when I sold my MINI. I thought I’d be hanging on to her, refusing to give her up. But knowing that she will be in Leslie’s good hands makes me want to let her go. I want Leslie to have this car. For in doing so, I help her fulfill her dreams. And as you know, fulfilling dreams is what I most dream of in life.
Here’s to fulfilling our dreams!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Strengths in Overdrive = Foolish
If you read my blog or know me in any way, you know that I am all about strength-based growth. I believe that we each have unique traits and talents that enable us to do great things.
In Positive Psychology, the scientific study of human flourishing, we call these traits “Signature Strengths”. These are the character strengths that we exhibit most often. In fact, according to Marty Seligman, “father” of Positive Psychology, we are happiest when using our signature strengths in all of our relationships – love, work and community.
One of my Signature Strengths is Courage. I have always thought that to be brave is to be exceptional.
But what about bravery in excess? This week, I decided to drive a 16-foot moving truck into New York City. MYSELF. I thought it would be fun. As I tried switching lanes, turning onto narrow streets and avoiding poles in Philly, I realized that I wasn’t being brave – I was being foolish.
I needed help. For some reason, asking for help seemed like a weakness. I thought that the Courageous, the Strong, the Successful do it all on their own. This too was foolish.
When I asked for and accepted help, the move went smoothly. My mover sent me truck-friendly directions into the City, my friend Stephanie helped me pack, my friend Geraldine’s family moved me out of my Philly apartment, my friend Allison watched Henry, and my friend Mac drove with me into New York, telling me when I could switch lanes, staying with the truck while I signed the lease, and keeping me laughing through challenging moments (like when a woman honked to tell us that the hatch was up)!. The move could not have happened without these incredibly generous, kind friends.
This experience taught me that the wisest know when they need help and they ask for it. All strengths in excess are weaknesses. Aristotle said strengths "in reason" - today, we would call this "in moderation". We must know our strengths – AND our limitations. We must ask for help along the way. We must remember that we need others. Remembering that gave me a smooth move into the next phase of my life.
Thank you to all who helped ease the way!
ps - If you want to know your Signature Strengths, visit www.authentichappiness.com
In Positive Psychology, the scientific study of human flourishing, we call these traits “Signature Strengths”. These are the character strengths that we exhibit most often. In fact, according to Marty Seligman, “father” of Positive Psychology, we are happiest when using our signature strengths in all of our relationships – love, work and community.
One of my Signature Strengths is Courage. I have always thought that to be brave is to be exceptional.
But what about bravery in excess? This week, I decided to drive a 16-foot moving truck into New York City. MYSELF. I thought it would be fun. As I tried switching lanes, turning onto narrow streets and avoiding poles in Philly, I realized that I wasn’t being brave – I was being foolish.
I needed help. For some reason, asking for help seemed like a weakness. I thought that the Courageous, the Strong, the Successful do it all on their own. This too was foolish.
When I asked for and accepted help, the move went smoothly. My mover sent me truck-friendly directions into the City, my friend Stephanie helped me pack, my friend Geraldine’s family moved me out of my Philly apartment, my friend Allison watched Henry, and my friend Mac drove with me into New York, telling me when I could switch lanes, staying with the truck while I signed the lease, and keeping me laughing through challenging moments (like when a woman honked to tell us that the hatch was up)!. The move could not have happened without these incredibly generous, kind friends.
This experience taught me that the wisest know when they need help and they ask for it. All strengths in excess are weaknesses. Aristotle said strengths "in reason" - today, we would call this "in moderation". We must know our strengths – AND our limitations. We must ask for help along the way. We must remember that we need others. Remembering that gave me a smooth move into the next phase of my life.
Thank you to all who helped ease the way!
ps - If you want to know your Signature Strengths, visit www.authentichappiness.com
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Value of Our "Stuff"
Deciding to move into a small New York studio apartment at 36 years old is a strange decision. After years of accumulating nice stuff – handcrafted furniture, stainless steel cookware and the car of my dreams, none of it will fit into my life anymore.
Downsizing is supposed to be Liberating! Healthy!… I've found it a bit scary and sad. As a very nice family came to pick up my beautiful chocolate brown microfiber couch, I wouldn’t let it go. Tears welled as I remembered the long nights of laughing with friends on that couch and the endless hours of grad school application writing done on that couch. That couch loved me through some of the best - and supported me through some of the worst events of my life – when I was robbed at gunpoint, when a dear friend drowned, through my grandparents' passing, several breakups and heartaches when I needed that couch’s soft embrace.
Who will hold me now?
See our stuff is more than stuff. Once in our lives, each item becomes intertwined with our memories. Our stuff is part of our story.
As I looked at that family, I considered the new memories the couch would bring them. Christmas mornings, late night movies, hours of napping on Sundays. My heart lifted, I couldn't help but smile, and my hands let the couch go. It had taken good care of me, but now it is someone else’s turn. And that makes me happier than holding onto the couch ever could.
Besides, now my hands are free to embrace whatever opportunity comes next for me. My stuff could have held me back, weighed me down. Here's to letting go of that which we no longer need.
Downsizing is supposed to be Liberating! Healthy!… I've found it a bit scary and sad. As a very nice family came to pick up my beautiful chocolate brown microfiber couch, I wouldn’t let it go. Tears welled as I remembered the long nights of laughing with friends on that couch and the endless hours of grad school application writing done on that couch. That couch loved me through some of the best - and supported me through some of the worst events of my life – when I was robbed at gunpoint, when a dear friend drowned, through my grandparents' passing, several breakups and heartaches when I needed that couch’s soft embrace.
Who will hold me now?
See our stuff is more than stuff. Once in our lives, each item becomes intertwined with our memories. Our stuff is part of our story.
As I looked at that family, I considered the new memories the couch would bring them. Christmas mornings, late night movies, hours of napping on Sundays. My heart lifted, I couldn't help but smile, and my hands let the couch go. It had taken good care of me, but now it is someone else’s turn. And that makes me happier than holding onto the couch ever could.
Besides, now my hands are free to embrace whatever opportunity comes next for me. My stuff could have held me back, weighed me down. Here's to letting go of that which we no longer need.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Moving to NYC
Good news – and tough on the heart-strings too… I’m moving to New York!
On the one hand, I want to scream from the rooftops that I am about to fulfill a lifetime dream!! … And on the other, I feel like I’m cheating on my City - Cleveland. They say that home is where the heart is. If that’s true, then Cleveland is my HOME. The tree-lined streets are woven into my soul, the Westside Market my playground, and Clevelanders are my family.
You can imagine, then, how difficult it is to say that I'm moving to New York. But the truth is, I never intended for Cleveland to become home. When I moved there in 2003,it was to be a short stop on the way to NYC… But I fell in love with Cleveland – with its people, its food, its culture, its amenities. It was just too good to ever leave.
And then a year ago, I decided to pursue a lifetime dream of getting my Masters Degree, teaching, and starting my own motivational consulting, coaching and speaking business, CLeaR. I went to the University of Pennsylvania last year to get my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology with full intention on returning this month to Cleveland to bring my learning back home.
Ready to return home, the “father” of Positive Psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman, asked me to be one of his assistant instructors this fall – a huge honor for which I’m immensely grateful. I knew that this was the universe telling me to pursue that New York dream.
I'll be honest - I'm scared! And I'm sad to prolong my trip home... and yet, I know that this is something that I must do. I went into Positive Psychology to inspire people to fulfill their dreams. I now have to do the same. I tell my clients that to know if we really need something, we must look ahead to our 80-year-old selves and ask that person, “If I DON’T do this, will I regret it forever?” When the answer is “yes”, move forward. No matter how scary or how sad you are to close a chapter, you must move forward. We must feel it all and move ahead! And so I am :)
Fortunately, I'll still be working a lot in Cleveland. With SOMO Leadership Labs, we're teaching positive psychology to enhance Clevelanders' lives, with my consulting work, I'm speaking to groups like the GAR Foundation's EIG (educator initiative) and with my coaching work, I'm helping Clevelanders pursue their dreams. And this really helps me live MY dream because I can live and work in all the places I love.
My intention in New York is to soak it all in and live it all fully. To experience every small street, each cozy coffee shop, each grungy subway station and to meet the city’s gritty and eclectic people. And then I plan to share all of these experiences - all of the fear, excitement and lessons with people around the world.
Here's to LIVING our dreams!
On the one hand, I want to scream from the rooftops that I am about to fulfill a lifetime dream!! … And on the other, I feel like I’m cheating on my City - Cleveland. They say that home is where the heart is. If that’s true, then Cleveland is my HOME. The tree-lined streets are woven into my soul, the Westside Market my playground, and Clevelanders are my family.
You can imagine, then, how difficult it is to say that I'm moving to New York. But the truth is, I never intended for Cleveland to become home. When I moved there in 2003,it was to be a short stop on the way to NYC… But I fell in love with Cleveland – with its people, its food, its culture, its amenities. It was just too good to ever leave.
And then a year ago, I decided to pursue a lifetime dream of getting my Masters Degree, teaching, and starting my own motivational consulting, coaching and speaking business, CLeaR. I went to the University of Pennsylvania last year to get my Masters in Applied Positive Psychology with full intention on returning this month to Cleveland to bring my learning back home.
Ready to return home, the “father” of Positive Psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman, asked me to be one of his assistant instructors this fall – a huge honor for which I’m immensely grateful. I knew that this was the universe telling me to pursue that New York dream.
I'll be honest - I'm scared! And I'm sad to prolong my trip home... and yet, I know that this is something that I must do. I went into Positive Psychology to inspire people to fulfill their dreams. I now have to do the same. I tell my clients that to know if we really need something, we must look ahead to our 80-year-old selves and ask that person, “If I DON’T do this, will I regret it forever?” When the answer is “yes”, move forward. No matter how scary or how sad you are to close a chapter, you must move forward. We must feel it all and move ahead! And so I am :)
Fortunately, I'll still be working a lot in Cleveland. With SOMO Leadership Labs, we're teaching positive psychology to enhance Clevelanders' lives, with my consulting work, I'm speaking to groups like the GAR Foundation's EIG (educator initiative) and with my coaching work, I'm helping Clevelanders pursue their dreams. And this really helps me live MY dream because I can live and work in all the places I love.
My intention in New York is to soak it all in and live it all fully. To experience every small street, each cozy coffee shop, each grungy subway station and to meet the city’s gritty and eclectic people. And then I plan to share all of these experiences - all of the fear, excitement and lessons with people around the world.
Here's to LIVING our dreams!
Friday, July 22, 2011
The (Sad) Truth
The truth is - sometimes I get really sad. Downright depressed even. On the verge of tears, I start crying for some unknown reason. I've always hated this part of me. Wanted to deny it - I mean who the heck wants to work with a positive psychology consultant who gets down and depressed?
Hopefully, you do. Because the truth is, that sadness is real. At this moment, it is my true, authentic self. And denying these feelings wouldn't be healthy. Rather, allowing myself to feel them, being kind with myself for having them, and taking care of myself through them is the only healthy way to live. Denial just keeps them bottled up inside and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.
Well there's nothing wrong with me. And there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, we just feel crappy. And that's okay. It's healthy actually. We're not supposed to feel positive emotions ALL the time - in fact, researchers have found that flourishing people experience one negative emotion for every three positive emotions. So we need some sadness, we need grief, we need some anger sometimes. Negative emotions narrow our thinking and alert our bodies to take action. That action may simply be to rest, to contact family, to run a hot bath or to engage in our favorite activity.
Negative emotions are only bad when we dwell on them too much. When we drown in our sorrows. When we allow them to rule us into deep depression. Rather, having a negative emotion every once in awhile is okay. When we use them as a sign and we allow ourselves to feel them, and then we take care of ourselves through them, that is when they can serve us well.
So that's the (sad) truth. I think I'll nap and allow a friend to come nurture me now :)
Hopefully, you do. Because the truth is, that sadness is real. At this moment, it is my true, authentic self. And denying these feelings wouldn't be healthy. Rather, allowing myself to feel them, being kind with myself for having them, and taking care of myself through them is the only healthy way to live. Denial just keeps them bottled up inside and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.
Well there's nothing wrong with me. And there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, we just feel crappy. And that's okay. It's healthy actually. We're not supposed to feel positive emotions ALL the time - in fact, researchers have found that flourishing people experience one negative emotion for every three positive emotions. So we need some sadness, we need grief, we need some anger sometimes. Negative emotions narrow our thinking and alert our bodies to take action. That action may simply be to rest, to contact family, to run a hot bath or to engage in our favorite activity.
Negative emotions are only bad when we dwell on them too much. When we drown in our sorrows. When we allow them to rule us into deep depression. Rather, having a negative emotion every once in awhile is okay. When we use them as a sign and we allow ourselves to feel them, and then we take care of ourselves through them, that is when they can serve us well.
So that's the (sad) truth. I think I'll nap and allow a friend to come nurture me now :)
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